Dear 2016
Dear 2016,
What a year you were. As I turn my head forward, greeting your younger sibling--2017-- with a full embrace, I still feel drawn to reflect on the way you enchanted me, to the way you frustrated me, to the way you held my gaze with your consistent ambiguous yet oh-so-accomplished stature. You gave me many firsts, you gave me some lasts, you gave me joy, you brought pain, you even gave me a stellar new last name and an even better husband. 2016, you were jam-packed. Looking back, I find I will have an easier time saying goodbye to you if I reflect a bit on the happenings of the year.
The beginning of the year was the start of my last semester of Northwestern College. Volleyball was done, (I became a retired athlete) and thus commenced the push to 5 months until graduation and 6 until the wedding. The biggie of the semester was senior thesis... the senior psychology capstone course. What a mother-load. Crushed it though.
Tyson and I continued our weekly tradition of Friday coffee dates at the Old Factory. I am so thankful for those dates and that place. Time spent refreshing, sipping the best cup of coffee around, and chatting up life. At this point, we had begun seriously setting in stone wedding plans and working to discern together where the Lord was calling us to be as we starting planning our life together. It was quite the process. It also seemed like a very ambiguous process. It seemed that no matter where we visited or interviewed, we belonged there. We kept asking ourselves, "how are we going to make this decision?" It wasn't really until we heart wise words from a mentor who cared about us and knew us that we knew where we needed to be at this season of our life. The question she asked us in between bites of dinner was, "Which of those options do you feel like you could experience the most joy and freedom?" At that, we decided to accept our admittance to Western Theological Seminary. Which meant, we would be moving 12 hours, 729 miles away to the sandy land of Holland, Michigan.
But before that, so many other things happened. I spent the rest of the spring semester working through a different spiritual season than normal alongside one of my dearest and gem of a friend and roommate. Together we got to be two of the few seniors in the dorm, which was awesome for the most part, as we got to love on and experience dorm life with a bunch of incredible women. We experienced together the beginnings of growing pains that come along with the notion that our "crazy college years" were coming to an end, along with our time living together. We became like sisters, challenging, pushing, loving, encouraging, giving one another second chances.
Throughout the semester, my family was there for it all. For the ups, the downs, for the wedding fiascos, for the joys, and I am so thankful. Like any other family, we spent countless hours arguing but in the end, we pulled through.
Graduation came, and it was time for all the goodbyes, the last moments of college and for a speech to be prepared. I was so lucky to get to stand on the stage and share some of my reflections from the four years spent at Northwestern. What an accomplishment. Celebrating mine and some of my closest friends achievements was seriously the bomb-diggity.
After graduation, commenced the three week push to get things ready for the wedding. Tyson left to go work and prepare things in Holland and I stayed in Sioux Falls, in wedding prep central.
Tying loose ends, making it all come together (with much help and guidance from my parents and sisters), was the final stretch for the big day that would soon change life as I knew it. I spent those three weeks (much like I'm doing now) looking back, nostalgic and summative of my past, my time growing up under my parents' roof yet so looking forward to the life ahead of me, with my groom and my love. It was bittersweet, you know the awkward time when everyone knows its time to leave but no one wants to rip the bandaid off and say goodbye? Yeah, I think holding those two feelings in tension, it was hard to know what to feel. Nevertheless, the time soon came for Tyson to drive back to Sioux Falls so he could marry me:)
The wedding. Picture the perfect day. Then multiply that day by one hundred. If ever there was a glimpse of heaven, of what it would be like to worship and be in pure joy and celebration, I think this would be the day, only the wedding would be all of Christ's believers, being fully and completely united to himself. But seriously. To be surrounded by so many people who loved, supported and cared for Tyson and myself, who believed in us and in God's work through our marriage was an incredible blessing. To be united to the man who brings out the best in me and helps me to see the good and the God in this life, what more could a girl want? ( And let me tell you, being his Mrs. from that point on has been as good as it can get!) What a day.
Then the day was over. We were both in utter disbelief that this day that we had spent so long anticipating and preparing for was over, just like that. Before we knew it, we were already on our way back from our honeymoon, moving into the first place we would together call home. Little did I know, the new identity I had taken on in becoming a new wife, would also transpire into much of the new life I entered into as I started seminary, a new job and surrounded myself with new people.
The rest of summer though, was filled with more joy. It was a pretty lighthearted time working for my new father in-law on work crew at the seminary and just enjoying summer in Holland, going to the beach, burying Tyson in the sand, and bonding with my family that I inherited! We got to make it back to Des Moines to be apart of our dear friends' weddings, and it was so fun to get to experience that being newly married! It was even better to see really good friends and my parents, before we would go a long time without seeing them again. That was hard though. Days and weeks flew by and as we continued our new life together and I would still have bouts of extreme homesickness, missing my family, my familiar home.
This theme carried on into the fall as we began Seminary. Seminary, this first semester was a unique experience to say the least. For me, it was just simply a difficult adjustment and I had a hard time transitioning to this as my reality. As I noted earlier in my discernment process for Seminary, this feeling of ambiguity has remained prominent throughout this first stretch of grad school. I have many times questioned my ability to be a good student, a good leader, and even if this actually is the right place for me. Spiritual direction and mentorship was sparse and it seemed like I was going nowhere, taking classes while lacking a reason for putting myself through this. Also, for the first time in my life making connections, developing deeply rooted relationships was so hard-- so unsettling and anxiety provoking. I guess I realized the reality of what it looks like to create ties outside of college.
Both Tyson and I started new jobs and and internship for Tyson. I started working at a JPs, a coffee shop right in downtown Holland. While the balance of work, school, and marriage often was a struggle, I soon took to the job and the people that I interact with daily. I began to appreciate having friends at work to joke with, to feel like I could actually be myself around, and to have people who invested and checked in on me daily. I still so appreciate the ties built from working there to the customers who bring pieces of their lives into the store in exchange for the daily cup of joe. And the free coffee, well that isn't so bad either;) With both of our schedules being crazier than ever, we somehow continued and still continue to manage time with one another-- oh that sweet, sweet quality time.
Amidst this transition, I realized how deeply anxious and untrusting I am in times of transition. It seems like along with my ever-changing circumstances, I lose the part of myself that is true, that is my deeply established identity. I began noticing this throughout the fall and am hoping to be able to work through it, to re-root God's promises in my heart and embody them with the way I live my life.
Going home for Christmas was good for the soul. Getting to see my parents and siblings and relatives brought back some of the familiarity I so long for. Being in the space of people who draw out some of the most beautiful parts of myself, in which I don't actually have to think about how I am acting or being, is so freeing, so healing. Home was another great reminder of just how lucky Tyson and I are to have the families that we do. We are lucky to have people to work though life with, to be frustrated at, to pray for reconciliation for, to be mad at, to laugh with (and at) and to be the constants as our lives go on and on like a revolving door. Like mother like daughter too, I balled as Tyson and I left to go through security at the airport, hugging my parents and sister, looking back on what we were leaving behind while looking forward to our life back home.
We rang in the new year with homemade pizza, wii bowling and some pretty great new friends. Its been a blessing to get to have a solid group of newly married couples to begin doing life with. People who don't take life too seriously, but are all trying to figure out this thing we call "marriage". We realized just how "old" we are getting when we went out around 9:30 and the DJ was just beginning to set up his equipment.
While I did not cover it all, this was a glimpse of what you provided my dear 2016. Many ups, many downs, a lot of leaning into uncertainty, but so much joy and love. I don't have many conclusions for some of the things that troubled me, nor do I have resolutions for how I want this year to play out. But if anything, my prayer as I greet the three-day-old 2017 is this:
2017, I pray that you hold chances.
Chances to laugh,
Chances to cry,
Chances to establish roots
and chances for those roots to take hold.
I pray that you hold chances to love more and to love deeply.
That the chances you offer to be challenged, result in chances to be resilient.
I pray that you hold chances to reconcile,
Chances to let go.
Mostly, I pray that you hold chances to receive and manifest more of God's grace.
Chances to be gracious, to transform into a presence of grace, and to live, work, love, study, and worship graciously.
I pray that the chances you offer allow us to grow in grace.
2017, I pray that you are a year of chances.
What a year you were. As I turn my head forward, greeting your younger sibling--2017-- with a full embrace, I still feel drawn to reflect on the way you enchanted me, to the way you frustrated me, to the way you held my gaze with your consistent ambiguous yet oh-so-accomplished stature. You gave me many firsts, you gave me some lasts, you gave me joy, you brought pain, you even gave me a stellar new last name and an even better husband. 2016, you were jam-packed. Looking back, I find I will have an easier time saying goodbye to you if I reflect a bit on the happenings of the year.
The beginning of the year was the start of my last semester of Northwestern College. Volleyball was done, (I became a retired athlete) and thus commenced the push to 5 months until graduation and 6 until the wedding. The biggie of the semester was senior thesis... the senior psychology capstone course. What a mother-load. Crushed it though.
Tyson and I continued our weekly tradition of Friday coffee dates at the Old Factory. I am so thankful for those dates and that place. Time spent refreshing, sipping the best cup of coffee around, and chatting up life. At this point, we had begun seriously setting in stone wedding plans and working to discern together where the Lord was calling us to be as we starting planning our life together. It was quite the process. It also seemed like a very ambiguous process. It seemed that no matter where we visited or interviewed, we belonged there. We kept asking ourselves, "how are we going to make this decision?" It wasn't really until we heart wise words from a mentor who cared about us and knew us that we knew where we needed to be at this season of our life. The question she asked us in between bites of dinner was, "Which of those options do you feel like you could experience the most joy and freedom?" At that, we decided to accept our admittance to Western Theological Seminary. Which meant, we would be moving 12 hours, 729 miles away to the sandy land of Holland, Michigan.
But before that, so many other things happened. I spent the rest of the spring semester working through a different spiritual season than normal alongside one of my dearest and gem of a friend and roommate. Together we got to be two of the few seniors in the dorm, which was awesome for the most part, as we got to love on and experience dorm life with a bunch of incredible women. We experienced together the beginnings of growing pains that come along with the notion that our "crazy college years" were coming to an end, along with our time living together. We became like sisters, challenging, pushing, loving, encouraging, giving one another second chances.
Throughout the semester, my family was there for it all. For the ups, the downs, for the wedding fiascos, for the joys, and I am so thankful. Like any other family, we spent countless hours arguing but in the end, we pulled through.
Graduation came, and it was time for all the goodbyes, the last moments of college and for a speech to be prepared. I was so lucky to get to stand on the stage and share some of my reflections from the four years spent at Northwestern. What an accomplishment. Celebrating mine and some of my closest friends achievements was seriously the bomb-diggity.
After graduation, commenced the three week push to get things ready for the wedding. Tyson left to go work and prepare things in Holland and I stayed in Sioux Falls, in wedding prep central.
Tying loose ends, making it all come together (with much help and guidance from my parents and sisters), was the final stretch for the big day that would soon change life as I knew it. I spent those three weeks (much like I'm doing now) looking back, nostalgic and summative of my past, my time growing up under my parents' roof yet so looking forward to the life ahead of me, with my groom and my love. It was bittersweet, you know the awkward time when everyone knows its time to leave but no one wants to rip the bandaid off and say goodbye? Yeah, I think holding those two feelings in tension, it was hard to know what to feel. Nevertheless, the time soon came for Tyson to drive back to Sioux Falls so he could marry me:)
The wedding. Picture the perfect day. Then multiply that day by one hundred. If ever there was a glimpse of heaven, of what it would be like to worship and be in pure joy and celebration, I think this would be the day, only the wedding would be all of Christ's believers, being fully and completely united to himself. But seriously. To be surrounded by so many people who loved, supported and cared for Tyson and myself, who believed in us and in God's work through our marriage was an incredible blessing. To be united to the man who brings out the best in me and helps me to see the good and the God in this life, what more could a girl want? ( And let me tell you, being his Mrs. from that point on has been as good as it can get!) What a day.
Then the day was over. We were both in utter disbelief that this day that we had spent so long anticipating and preparing for was over, just like that. Before we knew it, we were already on our way back from our honeymoon, moving into the first place we would together call home. Little did I know, the new identity I had taken on in becoming a new wife, would also transpire into much of the new life I entered into as I started seminary, a new job and surrounded myself with new people.The rest of summer though, was filled with more joy. It was a pretty lighthearted time working for my new father in-law on work crew at the seminary and just enjoying summer in Holland, going to the beach, burying Tyson in the sand, and bonding with my family that I inherited! We got to make it back to Des Moines to be apart of our dear friends' weddings, and it was so fun to get to experience that being newly married! It was even better to see really good friends and my parents, before we would go a long time without seeing them again. That was hard though. Days and weeks flew by and as we continued our new life together and I would still have bouts of extreme homesickness, missing my family, my familiar home.
This theme carried on into the fall as we began Seminary. Seminary, this first semester was a unique experience to say the least. For me, it was just simply a difficult adjustment and I had a hard time transitioning to this as my reality. As I noted earlier in my discernment process for Seminary, this feeling of ambiguity has remained prominent throughout this first stretch of grad school. I have many times questioned my ability to be a good student, a good leader, and even if this actually is the right place for me. Spiritual direction and mentorship was sparse and it seemed like I was going nowhere, taking classes while lacking a reason for putting myself through this. Also, for the first time in my life making connections, developing deeply rooted relationships was so hard-- so unsettling and anxiety provoking. I guess I realized the reality of what it looks like to create ties outside of college.
Both Tyson and I started new jobs and and internship for Tyson. I started working at a JPs, a coffee shop right in downtown Holland. While the balance of work, school, and marriage often was a struggle, I soon took to the job and the people that I interact with daily. I began to appreciate having friends at work to joke with, to feel like I could actually be myself around, and to have people who invested and checked in on me daily. I still so appreciate the ties built from working there to the customers who bring pieces of their lives into the store in exchange for the daily cup of joe. And the free coffee, well that isn't so bad either;) With both of our schedules being crazier than ever, we somehow continued and still continue to manage time with one another-- oh that sweet, sweet quality time.Amidst this transition, I realized how deeply anxious and untrusting I am in times of transition. It seems like along with my ever-changing circumstances, I lose the part of myself that is true, that is my deeply established identity. I began noticing this throughout the fall and am hoping to be able to work through it, to re-root God's promises in my heart and embody them with the way I live my life.
Going home for Christmas was good for the soul. Getting to see my parents and siblings and relatives brought back some of the familiarity I so long for. Being in the space of people who draw out some of the most beautiful parts of myself, in which I don't actually have to think about how I am acting or being, is so freeing, so healing. Home was another great reminder of just how lucky Tyson and I are to have the families that we do. We are lucky to have people to work though life with, to be frustrated at, to pray for reconciliation for, to be mad at, to laugh with (and at) and to be the constants as our lives go on and on like a revolving door. Like mother like daughter too, I balled as Tyson and I left to go through security at the airport, hugging my parents and sister, looking back on what we were leaving behind while looking forward to our life back home.We rang in the new year with homemade pizza, wii bowling and some pretty great new friends. Its been a blessing to get to have a solid group of newly married couples to begin doing life with. People who don't take life too seriously, but are all trying to figure out this thing we call "marriage". We realized just how "old" we are getting when we went out around 9:30 and the DJ was just beginning to set up his equipment.
While I did not cover it all, this was a glimpse of what you provided my dear 2016. Many ups, many downs, a lot of leaning into uncertainty, but so much joy and love. I don't have many conclusions for some of the things that troubled me, nor do I have resolutions for how I want this year to play out. But if anything, my prayer as I greet the three-day-old 2017 is this:
2017, I pray that you hold chances.
Chances to laugh,
Chances to cry,
Chances to establish roots
and chances for those roots to take hold.
I pray that you hold chances to love more and to love deeply.
That the chances you offer to be challenged, result in chances to be resilient.
I pray that you hold chances to reconcile,
Chances to let go.
Mostly, I pray that you hold chances to receive and manifest more of God's grace.
Chances to be gracious, to transform into a presence of grace, and to live, work, love, study, and worship graciously.
I pray that the chances you offer allow us to grow in grace.
2017, I pray that you are a year of chances.
love you friend! <3
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